Saturday, July 28, 2007

No Comment!

Some time ago I became concerned that I was somewhat boring. In an attempt to be more interesting I have been searching for ways to build conversation and overall social skills. I think it finally dawned on me what the problem is and honestly, this had never been a problem for me in the past. I have no opinion!

I read somewhere that you should read about things going on, form an opinion and talk about them with people. well, I read about all kinds of things and I can tell you all about them but for some reason I miss the part where I'm supposed to give my thoughts on the issue. For example, I was all proud of myself for watching the Democratic YouTube debate and was prepared to recite lines from what I had heard but my opinion on heathcare? gun laws? war? I don't have one. I don't know why, maybe i secretly don't care, mostly I think its because I don't want to conflict with anyone and I am starting to just be agreeable. WTF?! When did this girl take over my body? I've always been the first to tell people what I thought, give advice and often change peoples ideas but somewhere along the line i lost her. Shannon used to call me her buddah with hair and now when she calls me for advice...i got nothing.

So now that I have pinpointed just where my personality went, all I have to do is fix it. I need something to have an opinion on. lol. something not too heavy as i'm not quite prepared for resistance.

i'll get back to you.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Fear can't drive you as far as your will power can.

I have always had goals. I mean, who doesn't right? Its just, I always struggled trying to reach them. I always look like I am being successful, I'm good at appearing like I know exactly what I am doing. I have to tell you, nothing but pure fear had pushed me until one day I realized, people will keep you down if you don't fight it.

I stayed at my job because I was scared I wouldn't find better, I stayed with adam because I feared he was the best I'd ever have, life got to a point where I was about to never change anything for fear that something would crush down the little world I had built for myself. I never said it out loud before but the day I actually cracked was when I heard adam tell someone "stop talking to my wife, you might make her feel like she's worth something".

After that, I decided that nothing was going to stop me anymore and it hasn't. I have made myself proud. I will jump head first into anything, because I know I have the power to pull out if it wasn't the right place to jump. Fear will never keep me down again.