Today is the first day of our 4th quarter campaign at work. I have a whole new set of goals to meet in sales and I truly would like to make them all. Especially credit cards which seems to be the bane of my existence. My trainee starts back next Monday after being in class for a week and I really want to be a good inspiration to her!

At home things seem quiet. After our talk a couple of weeks ago, Timothy is either still thinking or has decided. I think I won't push him for a few more weeks for a straight answer. My sister is moving out on Monday of next week and I'll give him a couple of weeks after that and then I'll press him. Either way I am prepared for whatever his answer may be. I can move forward if necessary, I have chosen an apartment and if shannon moves out this way I will have a roomate. If he decides we should stay together I have some ground rules that need to be followed so as to never end up in this situation again. We'll see, we'll see.

I started a new workout at the gym this morning. Its called reverse something, basically you do all your normal exercises except you focus on the return position instead of pushing outward...if that makes sense. you lift the weight quickly then slowly return back. Its much more difficult that it sounded when he told me about it! I'm a little sore and I usually am not.
I also want to start a food journal, I haven't decided how exactly to go about it, I've tried the online ones in the past but I never keep them up, I think maybe i'll just get a written journal to keep in my purse and write it as it happens.

Its a gloomy Friday. At least its cool outside though. I wore my suit today. Mostly just to prove to myself I could pull it off. I got a lot of compliments so it made me feel better. Usually I put it on and wear it around the house a bit and then take it off. I don't know why it makes me feel fat. I needed to prove to myself i'm not fat after Wednesday being told that after all my hard work at the gym I gained 7 pounds and 3% body fat. Which is totally not true, how am I fitting into the suit that didn't fit before?! She measured wrong. Maybe next time she will measure right and i'll have lost twice the fat!

This weekend is serious house cleaning time. My sister is moving out in 10 days and I will have a little order back, now I will only have Timothy to clean up after and he's a whole house mess of his own. I also want to work on my quilt, I need to make the settings on my sewing machine right again tho because my stitches are too loose and you can see them when you pull on the fabric. Its really looking pretty however, I like the colors and pattern that we picked out. Mom will love it.

Today is my Life Force weigh in. I find out if I made my goal for the last 3 months, which was 10 pounds and some body fat. I'm 80% sure I have much less body fat but I don't feel like I lost the weight. Mostly because I've been strength training more than doing cardio/fat burning exercises. Either way, any improvement will make me happy and keep my work happy so they continue to pay for my insurance!

So today I am sending certified mail to all of the clients that showed up on my annual safe box audit. Throughout the year I have called these people again and again asking them to come in but they don't and I get in trouble. I hate it. HATE IT

I'm slowly losing my mind. Do I beat myself up about things, or am I being beaten up? I can't tell anymore. Every little comment, lack of a comment seems to mean more than what it probably does, or does it? I can't tell anymore.

Lately I've just been bummed out. I take no joy in other people. Maybe its my job, I love what I do when its for the better. Helping people out of a jam, giving advice where needed or providing a service my client truly needed. Its the ones that take advantage that disappoint. Day in and day out listening to people talk about how hard it is to manage finances is taking a toll on me. They come for advice but what they really want is a free ticket out, and IF you give that to them, they aren't grateful, they come back again and again with a new story and new reason.

Positive Thinking

I heard something today that while I think is clear to most people I realize working with people that are down on their luck or just can't seem to keep their heads up that this concept is not clear to everyone. It is that if you think positive thoughts and you act on them your life will remain positive and good things will happen.

I hear all day long, "I can't get a job because [insert well thought out reason here]" or "I just can't seem to stay on top because [insert reason to blame someone else here]." I can honstly say from expierence that if you are constantly thinking, this is how my life will remain becuase of [whatever reason] and I just have to deal with it, then that's exactly how it will stay, sucky.

The words that come out of your mouth and the actions that you take are a direct response from whats going on in your head. Think something positive, read something positive if you can't seem to get negative things off your mind or talk to someone that can get you out of your funk!
I use google as my home page and if you didn't know they recently changed it so you can customize what's on it when you log on. My page has quotes, jokes and advice. It gives me something to think about and talk about everyday. The point is, find some way to bring something positive into your mind as soon as you start your day.

Sorry for preaching guys but sometimes I just want to shake people and say to them "the only person doing this to you is YOU!"

17 pounds!

yesterday was my first weigh-in at curves and i lost some weight woo hoo, in addition i lost a total of 2.7% of my body fat and 4.5 inches all around. I'm impressed with myself, makes me want to keep going. omw to work, more later.

Deer Legs!

I brought bella to the vet today for her first visit. She needs her shots and I wanted to ask the vet if she maybe knew how old she was and possibly what breed she was. its obvious that she's a chihuahua but she really looks like maybe shes mixed with a min pin. The vet tells me she's a "deer legged" chihuahua, which I have never heard of. Anyway I got home and looked up this deer legged dog online and found many comments about how this is not an actual breed. I still think she looks like she's got a min pin in her. Either way, she's 4.5 lbs, happy and healthy. she's going back in sept for her second round of shots and to get spayed (she's really gonna love me after that one >< )

No Comment!

Some time ago I became concerned that I was somewhat boring. In an attempt to be more interesting I have been searching for ways to build conversation and overall social skills. I think it finally dawned on me what the problem is and honestly, this had never been a problem for me in the past. I have no opinion!

I read somewhere that you should read about things going on, form an opinion and talk about them with people. well, I read about all kinds of things and I can tell you all about them but for some reason I miss the part where I'm supposed to give my thoughts on the issue. For example, I was all proud of myself for watching the Democratic YouTube debate and was prepared to recite lines from what I had heard but my opinion on heathcare? gun laws? war? I don't have one. I don't know why, maybe i secretly don't care, mostly I think its because I don't want to conflict with anyone and I am starting to just be agreeable. WTF?! When did this girl take over my body? I've always been the first to tell people what I thought, give advice and often change peoples ideas but somewhere along the line i lost her. Shannon used to call me her buddah with hair and now when she calls me for advice...i got nothing.

So now that I have pinpointed just where my personality went, all I have to do is fix it. I need something to have an opinion on. lol. something not too heavy as i'm not quite prepared for resistance.

i'll get back to you.

Fear can't drive you as far as your will power can.

I have always had goals. I mean, who doesn't right? Its just, I always struggled trying to reach them. I always look like I am being successful, I'm good at appearing like I know exactly what I am doing. I have to tell you, nothing but pure fear had pushed me until one day I realized, people will keep you down if you don't fight it.

I stayed at my job because I was scared I wouldn't find better, I stayed with adam because I feared he was the best I'd ever have, life got to a point where I was about to never change anything for fear that something would crush down the little world I had built for myself. I never said it out loud before but the day I actually cracked was when I heard adam tell someone "stop talking to my wife, you might make her feel like she's worth something".

After that, I decided that nothing was going to stop me anymore and it hasn't. I have made myself proud. I will jump head first into anything, because I know I have the power to pull out if it wasn't the right place to jump. Fear will never keep me down again.

bad first day

ok so today started off with good intentions. I packed myself a salad for lunch. Italian dressing, sunflower kernels, string cheese and applesauce. yum! but the man called off work for his birthday and wanted to have lunch together..no biggie, i got a frescata sandwich from Wendy's....ruined by french fries :(

then, his brother wanted to go to mikinos for dinner, japanese food. chicken, rice fine but you use hibachi sauce, bad for ya. anyway long story short, i ate a bunch of crap today however, i will be starting tomorrow soooo .. ok bad excuse. THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW!

positives:

I interviewed for a new position and it went really well
I finally stopped at the shop I promised the owner i'd check out
I let the man know that I was upset about something, because usually I sit on it and stew without ever saying anything.

I still have that salad packed, so good lunch is in the future.

cheers.

one more thing

i'm interviewing for a relationship banker position tomorrow. chances are low that i get it but man i'm excited. WISH ME LUCK!

ook new post

today i joined sparkpeople.com and i made myself 3 promises, because it asks me to

1. write in a journal
2. pack my lunches
3. go for a walk

ideally i'd like to post here everyday, what i ate, what i did to work out as well as what i did for myself mentally.

today i decided to make a change, thats enough for now, the hard part is on its way.